


almosts and maybes

by dominopes



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Mentioned bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-04-24
Packaged: 2020-01-31 10:02:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18588985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dominopes/pseuds/dominopes
Summary: maybe one day she'll be more than an almost.





	almosts and maybes

**Author's Note:**

> prompt 1 for ambris week is almosts and maybes!! here's my contribution, even if it is a day late fkngkng

            Iris is something special and, at first, Amber can't put her finger on why that is.

 

      The way they meet certainly isn't anything special, tiny Iris plopping down next to just-as-tiny-but-maaaaaaybe-a-little-bit-bigger Amber as she colors in unicorns and princesses, and popping an easy question, one that never seemed to receive a ' _no_ ' at that age. 

 

      "Do you wanna be my friend?"

 

      Amber had nodded excitedly, long blonde pigtails swaying slightly with the action, and Iris beamed, smiling so wide it showed off the gap where her two front teeth should've been. 

 

      "Color with me," Amber'd demanded, nudging the coloring book closer to Iris so they could share better, and Iris, sweet Iris, hadn't even hesitated, dutifully obeying Amber without question.

 

      Inseparable ever since.

 

      Maybe, just maybe, Iris is special because she's always been there, no matter what happened in the world around them. Maybe it's because she's just as constant as the sun in the sky or the crickets that chirp late at night.

 

      Preschool blends into kindergarten, then first, second, third, and fourth grade, and Iris is still there.

 

      Then comes fifth grade, when some of the other girls decide that Amber is stupid and undeserving of friends, turning their backs on her and whispering to each other about ' _oh, isn't Amber sooooo stuck up?'_ and despite all of that, Iris is still there, kind face scrunched up in protective anger when someone so much as looks at Amber funny. 

 

      Middle school is a blur that turns Amber mean and guarded, unwilling to let the Incident of The Fifth Grade repeat itself in any way, shape, or form, and Iris is still there, smiling that sunny smile and chattering to Amber without a care in the world. 

 

      It isn't until she sees Iris giggling and watching Cyrus with soft eyes that it finally hits Amber just _why_ Iris is so special to her.

 

      Once, she'd assumed it was because of the unwavering loyalty Iris had shown to her, even at the worst of times. She'd thought, just maybe, it's because even when Amber says something mean, says the kind of thing anyone else would have cut her off for, Iris grits her teeth and bares it, waits for Amber to calm down, then forces her to talk it out. Maybe it's because Iris is a caring person and Amber needs someone like that in her life, someone that's not her mom or her dad or her brother. Just one person and maybe that's Iris.

 

      Then Iris starts noticing boys and Amber can feel the jealous knots forming in the pit of her stomach, the kind that not even a boy scout would be able to undo. It's then, and only then, that she realizes Iris is special because Amber _loves_ her. 

 

      It scares Amber at first, downright terrifies her, because this is _Iris_ \- her rock, her very best friend in the whole wide world. If she tells Iris her feelings, she could scare her off forever. That's not a risk Amber's willing to take - she doesn't know what she'd do without Iris - so she keeps it to herself, holds it close to her heart.

 

      It almost spills out a few times, like when Iris laughs so hard that milks comes out of her nose or when Iris babbles to her about _dinosaurs!! aren't they SO cool?_

 

Somehow, Amber keeps it in, behind clenched teeth and zipped lips. Somehow, she doesn't explode from the stress that comes with keeping such a big secret from such an important person.

 

      She tells her bits and pieces, tells her one night during a High School Musical marathon that she's a lesbian, that she doesn't think she ever liked Jonah the way she thought she did. Iris hugs her tight, tells her that she's in her corner no matter what, and thanks her for trusting her with this. Amber almost tells her the rest of it, almost tells her _'i love you. you've had my heart in your hands for as long as i can remember,'_ but she refrains and just hugs Iris back as tight as she can, soaking in the warmth of the sweetest girl in the universe and memorizing it.

 

      Maybe she'll tell her someday. When she's older, when she's braver. Maybe someday she'll shake Iris by her oblivious shoulders and say, _"it's you!!! it's always been YOU!!!"_

 

But not today, she thinks, as she watches a boy in their grade ask Iris out to a movie, cheeks red, smile shy and boyish. 

 

      Iris squints her eyes in mirth, dimples showing when she smiles, and nods her head.

 

      Amber swallows, turning away to look anywhere else.

 

      No, not today.


End file.
